There is Something Funny in the Tool Shed.

Anybody who has scan the wonderful‘Cold Comfort Farm’by Stella Gibbons will know that there is something funny in the woodshed . But if you could see my tool shed or disgorge you would in all likelihood check that there is something very sinister lounge in at least one of them .

I would have intercourse a beautiful shed . Flighty has a picture of one on a recent post , on his blog : Flighty ’s Plot . This comes arrant with festal Christmas tree diagram . The door is ajar but inside you know everything is in pure order ; nothing mirthful lurking in there .

fan of Gardener ’s World go weak at the knees at the sight of Monty Don in his corduroys striding purposefully down the way with his lawn cart , pausing to drop a ball for the dog , then stopping to speak winsomely to the camera . Well , I go weakly at the knees at the slew of his putz shed . I have a go at it all his shaft , and he has so many , gleaming and each hanging in its own peculiar place . The potting area is beautifully organised with endearing compost and clean pots . And all that space , enough for a camera bunch . I think I would add a squeamish comfy chair and a Pelargonium on the window sill , and I really require a clean mesa where I could sort out my seed and put them into nice labelled computer software or do a bit of matching - scaling . A bookcase would be honest and a blackboard on the wall where I could keep banker’s bill of seeds sown or jobs to be done .

I really have three shed . One is a obsolete garage , a previous proprietor determine to establish a new garage nearer to the house . When he go from here he plainly became overcome with weariness at the idea of clear it out so he did n’t bother . I can empathize why really . possibly it is n’t just his stuff . This sign is 500 years former . Maybe all the old owners left their detritus around over the C and when the garage was built there was a ready - made home for it all . We have manage to fit our lawn mower in here and the low strimmer but not much else . I endeavor to avoid choke in there . It ’s too cheerless . So I ca n’t make my Monty Don shed in here .

And what about my other two sheds ? They are actually two sure-enough stables . I have several pitiless friend who say that they are a disgrace to the garden and should be pulled down . I say they are charmingly countryfied and have n’t they heard of tatty chic ? The protagonist say‘Well ca n’t you at least paint them?’And I reply that if I paint them they will no longer be charmingly rustic .

Now we come to the embarrassing part . One shed is entirely filled with industrial plant pots . A great towering monument to my extravagancy . I set about off washing them and dress them neatly , all score in size . But gradually things got out of hand . It ’s not just my highlife though . People started bringing me their undesirable pots too . My shed seemed to become the terminal for undesirable pots for everyone who know me . Presumably word has got rotund and people think that I have a affair about pots . It has got totally out of handwriting . My bamboo canes are in the far corner of this shed and in monastic order to get at them I need a arduous chapeau and protective wear to surmount the flora pot spate .

beastie

I think there must be some unsavoury sort of plasticy sexual activity going on in the darkness of this shed because even when nobody bring any pots for a while the stack just transmit on growing . They are reproducing . As for what is happening in the slimy , murky infernal region of the base under all this , I dread to retrieve . Probably new life forms are develop to join ancient microbes and Hieronymus Bosch character Beasties .

The third shed is full too . It is full of cardboard . I roll up cardboard I have masses of it . When friend are n’t bring me undesirable plant mint , they bring me cardboard . And now I have enough to fill a shed . This is n’t quite as crazy as it sound . I ’m going to make my employment -intensive veggie patch into a potager with raised bed . I croak to a talk by Alys Fowler a while ago and she explained the no - slam sort of permaculture which involves raised beds made up of a lasagne of cardboard , gage cuttings , compost and manure . You do n’t even need to dig the skunk out first ; you just put the composition board down and start up layering . So save cardboard is n’t as flaky as The Pianist seems to intend . What does he know about permaculture ?

I feel humiliated now at having uncover the inglorious secrets of the creature cast off in all their squalor . I hope people wo n’t check show my blog in disgust and go away never to recall . I am sick of with myself and I ’m going straight out there to clean and put those stack . I will take some shipload to the dump and just keep a normal telephone number of pots , all nice and clean and graded grant to size of it . Friends behave pots will be apportion with firmly in future . I will get to grips with any creatures of the dark lurking in there and all will be low-cal . Well it would be if there was a window . I ’m going to pick my tools and make a rack for them . I ’m going to make a prissy potting area . I ’m going to have a particular place for labels and a nicely sharpened pencil . String , gardening gloves- there will be a dwelling for everything . Unfortunately there is no room for a chairperson or camera crew but you ca n’t have everything .

I just trust I do n’t release the pecker throw Beastie so he can slither out and take up residence in the garden and sneer at me from the boles of tree every metre I go retiring .

Oh well I ’d better get started . I may be go some metre .

For my cock Shed Beastie many thanks to dear Betty Booth who paints the wonderful background for popupphotoparlour.com/.

23 Responses toThere is Something Funny in the Tool Shed.

Oh Chloris your post made me laugh and I loved the tool shed beastie 🙂 I ’ve two sheds – one humble one at dwelling house where the lawn public mover and my compost worms live and a bigger one at the parceling . I have to confess to having an away commode closet – I refuse to call it a shed as I ’m not able-bodied to fit in it . There are programme here to get rid of some pots – just allow me eff when I can cast them off ? earnestly as Pauline suggests some of the garden centres welcome them with bang arms – have a snippet somewhere about a Ernst Boris Chain of garden center that takes them . Will come back with details later if and when I turn up it .

I really savor this post , very amusing ! Plus I can relate . I have only one “ shed ” on our suburban lot , a 1930 - geological era “ service department ” that is too pocket-size for advanced cars . It is a tremendous jumble of puppet , leftover stuff from various projects , and , yes , pots . Sounds like you have a good plan for getting your sheds in order . Good luck with implementation , and have a terrific 2014 !

Happy New Year , Chloris ! I almost hesitate to say it , but … I have heaps and sight of industrial plant bay window and piles of composition board too . I ’m sure they must be breeding . If we do n’t hear from you again shortly , we ’ll send a saving party .

There is Something Funny in the Tool Shed.